The Cookie Flinger

 

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On Sunday, I attended my first cookie exchange.  In my excitement to attend a party with some of my favorite women, I glossed over a few important details.  Apparently I was supposed to make two dozen and two different types of cookies to exchange as well as containers to carry home the goods.  Maybe it was just my invitation, but mine just read:

"Ditch the kids, cocktails start at 1:00"

I was really proud of the chocolate malt sandwich cookies I did bring.  I had even made a practice round earlier in the week to make sure they were cookie swap worthy.  I got an enthusiastic thumbs up from everyone except Maren. 

When I was greeted at the door with my choice of a blueberry or cranberry signature cocktail, I knew this was going to be my kind of party.  It was obvious as soon as I arrived to a sea of cookies that I had not brought my fair share.  It felt like I dropped a wad of chewed gum into the offering plate so I tucked my two dozen in the back.  

As the signature cocktails turned to pomegranate sparkling wine and overachievers kept arriving with twice as many as they were supposed to bring, I cared less about my paltry offering.  I reasoned they were sandwich cookies and it was kind of like getting two for one.  It's not like I went to the Dollar Tree and bought them.  I didn't even let the kids help so they were practically hygienic.

All of the cookies were so good.  Well, mostly.  I heard a rumor that one very rude party guest took a bite of a cookie lovingly prepared by the hostess and flung it across the room.  I'm not sure how this email would have gotten to my inbox, but......

Niki,

I totally misread the Evite.  I thought it was an obnoxious cousin and cookie throwing party, not a cookie exchange and ugly sweater contest.  If those were the rules, I totally would have won.  If you invite me next year, I swear I'll be better behaved and not drink 2 magnums of Cooks.  In all of my rudeness I didn't even thank you for inviting me.  I really did have a great time.  As you see by my refusal to leave your living room, I don't get out nearly enough.    

Humbly,

The Asshole Cookie Thrower

 

Poppy,

 No big deal who hasn't eaten a cookie and then thrown it to ground viciously and with absolute disgust. I mean by your facial expression you did look like you ate a shit sandwich....LOL

 Last night was an absolutely blast. I'm glad you came and I'm looking forward to next year.  I think it's going to be a END OF THE WORLD cookie party.  And since earth and life as we all know it is going to end...we should really throw caution ( and  a cookie if needed) to the wind!

 Love you lots!!

 XOXOX

Niki

For the record, I prefer my cookies chocolate and made from a cake mix.

www.duncanhines.com to find some great recipes for your holiday get-together! I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective.

Comments

[natalie]

Every time I read about the fun you have with your friends, I wonder why we aren't neighbors.

[Kim Pugliano]

Please can I be on the invite list for next year?

[Lindyez]

You are...you...

[Carrie]

You can bet, before this week is up, I AM going to use the term "shit sandwich."

Probably more than 412 times.

[Poppy]

Heck ya....Peace, love, and a shit sandwich.

[Poppy]

You can be my plus 1.  Do you mind driving?

[angela]

I flat out told my cookie exchange hostess this year that I would bring two bottles of wine in lieu of cookies. Everyone was ok with that :)

[Poppy]

Way to take control of the situation and take the cookie swap up a notch.

[Jen]

Um, if you spinkle a little water on dollar store cookies, microwave them and display on decorative plate you are golden. Just a little tip for next year!

Love,
Redneck Housewife

[Kristin]

Malt sandwiches! Poppy, I have always wanted to make those and never have because they look too hard. Or require too much effort.
I didn't do any cookie exchanges this year, it's just not fun to bring home cookies I can't eat. But I've never been to one with cocktails and tantrums.

[Galit Breen]

Have I mentioned recently how much I adore you?

{Also blueberry cocktails! Yum!}

xo

[Kim Pugliano]

Fuck that noise. I'll pay for a cab.

[John]

It's all fun & games until a cookie gets tossed. And then it's just fun.

I've never been to a cookie swap party, but I'm all for going anywhere that they serve drinks.

[Mad Woman behind the Blog]

Let me ask you this: would you rather go to a party where cookies are flung or tossed?
Wait, don't answer that.

[Eva Gallant]

I don't think I have the recipe for shit sandwiches in my repertoire.

[Dr. Cynicism]

Wonderful cookies and fancy Blueberry cocktails? I need to start partying with you!

[Nami]

If I had blueberry and cranberry cocktails all night, I'm sure I would've tossed my cookies too.